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Since so much sexual slang involves meat — “hot dog,” “sausage,” “burger,” “beef injection,” “another beef injection,” and so on — I thought this would be a fine occasion to point out that there are plenty of veggie alternatives: In the Bible, in between the part where Reuben kills a he-goat so he can dip some clothes in the blood of the he-goat and where Judah tries to give Tamar a goat but decides maybe she should be burned to death instead, God kills a man named Onan because Onan intentionally spills his seed on the ground.(1) Thou shalt not whack off. And while sex drive waxes and wanes, self-confidence steadily grows.


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