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Often, we just don't have the strength or energy to confront our partner or make waves if we witness their unstable or irresponsible behavior due to substance abuse.

We have become numb to this kind of relationship and therefore have settled by bumping along the bottom holding on to an eyelash width of hope that maybe tomorrow will be different; either they will change or we might find the strength to change these circumstances ourselves. Phase 1 - Regardless of what stage you are in a relationship, or whether you've started to become aware of your child's unfamiliar behavioral patterns, something tells you that things are just not right.

Broken promises, questionable and irresponsible behavior start creeping up more and more.

You are scared to probe too deeply as it might incite anger, and chances are you're not ready to face the reality that there may be a problem; because if there is one, what then?

We were on Sunset Boulevard amidst a crowd of jovial Alice in Wonderlands and men dressed as The Golden Girls. She “stopped by” a lot, particularly when I was not around. He flipped my plastic tray and sent the bottles flying. The next morning, I said good-bye to him for good and made a vow to myself: no more alcoholics, and certainly no more enabling such guys by carrying around a tray of their vice. A few months earlier, when we had started dating, I ignored the hints that he was an alcoholic.

I watched as they shattered and decorated the asphalt like glitter. He drank a lot sometimes, sure, but I didn’t know just how much and that he often did so alone.

They don’t need to be taken care of; they learned how to do that for themselves. Relationships are difficult; whether it is the ongoing give and take of two people sharing their lives, understanding and communicating with our children or just getting along with co-workers and friends. Often guilt, shame, pity, fears of being alone or just plain laziness keeps us in relationships that we know are toxic; whether it is with an alcoholic/addict or not.Add to the mix a silent partner like drugs or alcohol, and the difficulty factor increases substantially. We find ourselves exhausted at the end of the day from just doing our jobs, getting the kids to school or whatever life is throwing at us.I should have known to bring decoys filled with Coca-Cola and water, instead—even though I knew that wouldn’t solve his drinking problem. I should have broken up with him after he downed those mini bottles.Up until that moment, I’d seen and heard enough signs and glimpses of his drinking-induced temper: the times he’d been curt for no reason (alcohol), more impatient than usual (alcohol), oh, and after hearing the story about the time he punched his cousin (alcohol).




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So before you ruin what could be a great relationship just because you don't know how to step on the brakes, here are some things that can help you slow yourself down.


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