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And don’t get me wrong, this isn’t someone looking for geeky attention or a propped up fantasy. But “intimidating” is almost uselessly vague, especially if they keeps coming up; it covers a multitude of meanings to the point that it means everything and nothing at once.

She has a job she loves that pays good money, money that she likes to spend on her geeky hobbies and toys. – she hears the same thing over and over again: “You’re too intimidating…” Does this sound familiar to you? In fact, going by the number of emails I get from my readers, it’s most common issue that geek (or geek-curious) women encounter when they’re interested in dating.

We've been talking for a while, maybe even tried the dating thing, and for whatever reason, you feel the need to inform me (as if I didn't already know) that I'm intimidating.

I applaud your honesty, but why are you telling me this?

As much as he might want to approach you, he’s put off by your confidence. His ego’s been hurt somehow and now he has to go lick his wounds. No matter what you say to the guy, he takes it as an insult. He’s intimidated and thinks you’re constantly judging him. If his ego’s that fragile, do you even want to deal with him to begin with? Snide comments about whatever you happen to say is a sure sign he’s feeling intimidated.

If a woman keeps hearing from men that she’s “intimidating”, what is she supposed to do – besides start approaching men who have more self-confidence and fewer issues?

She’s geeky to her Joss-Whedon-loving core, a Whovian, Vertigo-reading, 3rd edition D&D (none of that 4th ed crap thank you very much) gamer with the con stories to prove it. While it’s true that many men will use it as a polite dodge to avoid saying “I’m not attracted to you”, when it comes up over and over again, it’s a sign that maybe there’s more to it.

He’s intimidated and doesn’t want to look bad to you.

Instead, he tries to learn more about you and find some common ground. How dare you look amazing, act confident and be successful?

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