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Recently, after another few very average dates, I spent some time identifying what my fears were. That this situation will NEVER change, that I will never meet anyone who is willing to embrace me and my non-hierarchical approach to poly. That, by not attracting anyone else, I would become less attractive to my current partner.There was also a related fear that maybe I was doing something unconsciously to prevent new partners coming into my life. That there just are not enough people that I will be compatible with.It turns out, the secret to finding love and commitment is not committing too soon.So many of my clients ask me whether dating more than one man at a time is a wise idea.I have been polyamorous for nearly two years and, yet, for almost the whole of that time I have only been in one relationship. I am always coming across interesting people in my social circles and I feel very lucky to have made, and be making, some marvellous connections amongst all of that.But one thing that has not happened so far is another relationship.There were so many things that my mind was trying to process: Should I reply? Is he really so immature that he’d make a blanket statement about the class view of all doctors? But when I had to apply it to my dating life, it became a platitude I bitterly muttered to myself as fuel to (reluctantly) keep going. ”***Unfortunately, that three-character text didn’t carry the subtext I hoped.(#Not All Doctors)One of the most challenging aspects of dating for me is deciding how to apply the common phrase “Nobody’s perfect.” Unfortunately for me (and perhaps fortunately for you, readers? Despite my urge to go to my default reaction of ignoring Dan’s text and never speaking to him again, I decided to take a different route. Dan couldn’t read between the lines, though maybe that’s because the text was only one line. I tried to resume my day with business as usual, but Dan seemed to be in full conversation mode.

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On closer inspection, they are fears related to myself.Since there was no way to know who would stick around, I dated as many guys as I was interested in at the same time.That's why I'm an advocate for "volume dating."I dated 30 men in 15 months in order to eventually meet my husband.Dan had basically dumped me to see another woman he claimed to like better, so when he texted me at the end of the last update to complain about her — after knowing her for less than a week (and me for over a month!) — I felt a weird performance anxiety over my potential response to him. I officially have a love-hate relationship with the phrase “Practice makes perfect.”Before this series, I found comfort in that perfectly reasonable saying; I’d say it to myself as a reminder to be patient when trying out something new.




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